Monday, August 16, 2010

Want a smoke? Its on me!

You know you are fat when an old man asks you if you are here for the bariatric surgery...and when you say "no" he proceeds to tell you why you should reconsider. Really? Just because you are a mean old geezer that has to wear oxygen everywhere you go doesn't mean I should ask YOU if you are here for a lung transplant. 






P.S.
 "You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type."
       - Phyllis Diller 

Hot-dog vs Hamburger...

Many times I have seen a man or woman that is very thin with a partner that is just the opposite. This is what I like to call a hamburger and hot-dog couple. The hot-dog is a thin, smooth, (mysterious) and quick meal. I can honestly say I have never really been satisfied by just one hot-dog -- nor have I found one I absolutely drool over -- but there are those who prefer this overly processed, easy eat. I, on the other hand, choose the hamburger. Although it is ground up junk meat (unless you like to pay a bit more) there is so much more you can do with it! There are endless possibilities of delicious --not nutritious-- ways to enjoy the hamburger. Thick, juicy, seasoned, big round buns...so much to wrap your mouth around.  Just saying :)

If you hadn't guessed, I am NOT a hot-dog. I am a double cheeseburger looking to downsize to a smaller pair of buns and lose a patty and a half. This journey is going to be long and dreadful... considering I LOVE everything that is salty, sweet, crunchy, creamy, cheesy... as I sit here and stuff my face with cinnamon graham crackers and sip on a room temperature soda.

I know I will never be a hot-dog but maybe I can shoot for a McDonald's sized burger -- they are pretty skinny, right?